Is It Normal To Be Scared To Say, "I Love You?"
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5 Oct There is no one right way to say 'I love you' - but there are plenty of wrong ways. I say it when I am in love with them. You just know. There's no it happesn after 3 months 5 days and 2 hours or anything, it just happens when it happens. 9 Jul When I was younger, you didn't live together, you didn't have children before you were married, you didn't have sex. I don't know how people can go out and have one-night stands. It's a different era. My husband and I got engaged six months after we got together. He said “I love you” first; I would never.
Catherine Donaldson-Evans is a journalist, mom, and Wonder Woman wannabe. Most recently, she was senior lifestyle editor and blogger at CafeMoms The Stir and has written for numerous other publications during her career.
When anyone makes this weighty statement super-early in a relationship, it raises questions about whether or not the person is genuine or just caught up in the moment. While early relationship feels and hormones can be intoxicating, relationship experts warn that it might be a red flag if you or your partner is too quick to say, "I love you. Tessina, psychotherapist continue reading author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences.
Of course, there are always exceptions, like if you've been spending every waking minute together versus only seeing each other once or twice a week.
But in general, if you say, "I love you," before dating for three to six months, you could be mistaking love for something else. I wouldn't feel really confident if someone is saying it before six months because what they are is infatuated," says sociologist Pepper Schwartz, a professor at the University of Washington and the author of The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples.
If you haven't yet slept together and someone says, "I love you," watch out. It could be a ploy to get you into bed. Tessina says a person may say, "I love you," during sex or to obtain sex, but they might not have really thought it through or mean it. If you're the one who said it because you were caught up in the moment, you might want to crack a joke about how great the romp was that it made you exaggerate a little.
Either way, it's not a commitment in any way, says Tessina. It sounds simple, but plenty of us are just caught up in the moment when the L-word is first uttered. But if you haven't spent real quality see more together and your relationship still feels on shaky ground, there isn't enough there yet for it to be true love.
I believe 'love at first sight' is only in hindsight. She says many of the couples she counsels come to her with high expectations of "instant" relationships and romance and equally high frustration levels when things don't unfold that way.
Many people assume that "I love you" means the person they're dating is in it for the long haul. Unfortunately, that's not always the case — in fact, that's an entirely separate conversation you should have in order to gauge each other's feelings.
Romantic Ideology and Its Victims. It wasn't sudden, there was a long process of me spending time with her and caring for her more and more until I loved her. Helpfully, the government has done some research. But I said it again the next day when I was sober.
If your partner says they love you but can't back it up with a commitment of some kind, tread lightly. Schwartz says that in general, when a person hears their partner say, "I love you," they don't automatically think their partner is saying, "That's what I feel like this minute" — instead, they're thinking there's the implicit promise of a much deeper relationship and the words could lead to a commitment, as if their partner is saying, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
If your partner says it because they're just feeling loving at the time but haven't considered what the relationship means to them, it might be a red flag.
Maybe a relative has just died or one of you has landed a new job. When you go through a life-changing experience like that together, it can be bonding and make you feel full of love for each other.
But is it really love? Not necessarily if the rest of link relationship doesn't measure up.
For me, it was less a feeling and more a realization that she made my life complete. So I guess I kept my dignity? Follow Frank on Twitter.
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You or your partner just dropped the L-bomb, but was it too early to say it?
Share Tweet Pin Share Tumble. You haven't been dating for at least three to six months Of course, there are always exceptions, like if you've been spending every waking minute together versus only seeing each other once or twice a week.
You haven't had sex yet If you haven't yet slept together and someone says, "I love you," watch out. You haven't spent enough time together to form a good foundation for a relationship It sounds simple, but plenty of us are just caught up in the moment when the L-word is first uttered.
Married Vs. Single: When To Say "I Love You"
You or your partner can't commit to a future Many people assume that "I love you" means the person they're dating is in it for the long haul. You say it after an intense experience Maybe a relative has just died or one of you has landed a new job. Please enter a valid email address. The menu button now contains all of the sections of our site. SheKnows is making some changes!